Hair Cut

So I got my hair cut about 10 days ago…it was fine and I liked it the first day.  However the next day I washed it and I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw… I saw a girl of long ago that I hated…and I started cutting and cutting.  It is more of a self-injury/self-hatred kind of deal… it sounds trivial but it really isn’t.  When I was younger I had long beautiful hair… and some traumatic things happened to me and I decided when I was 7 that I no longer wanted my hair…and I cut it – to make myself look ugly.  Well that was one of the intentions.  Anyway…I think I succeeded.  I look at that picture and I don’t see me.  I see this disgusting ugly person… now the younger pictures I love – I am cute and fiesty and that is the true Lori.  But this other Lori is a stranger to me now.

Which is actually a good thing…because I was that Lori for a long time…30 years to be exact.  Over the last 2 years, God has been doing a deep, dramatic healing journey in my life and I have become more and more the original Lori rather than the shell that I created to hide in (in more ways than one).  My journey of life has been a broken one…but God is turned it into a healing journey of a broken girl and putting me back together and making me stronger.

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